It strikes me in my own recent experiences and hearing about those of others, that we too often feel completely overwhelmed by our personal problems. They take on a weight and magnitude which feels many times larger than we are ourselves. Even though they are purely mental, our problems can reach such a size in our minds that they affect us physically, weighing us down like a burden we must carry each day.
A lot of suffering is caused by guys reading blogs, looking at self-improvement websites or books, and then feeling like they are fundamentally lacking. It can seem like an insurmountable task to get from where you are, to some kind of new way of being where you have everything under control, you’re in great shape, you’re making a lot of money, getting plenty of girls, and generally you just feel happy and at peace all the time.
Without a doubt, plenty of guys sharing their advice do have a good handle of their lives, and they probably have a fairly steady emotional life condition. They aren’t panicked all the time, and they pretty much know the direction they’re heading in.
Much of our terror and fear strikes when we lose our sense of direction, or events disrupt the path we thought we were supposed to be on. This is perfectly natural, and there is an automatic, emotional response that occurs that we have no control over. That part is unavoidable.
What we can actually address is what comes next. How do we deal with this panic? Do we believe the story our emotions are telling us? Do we latch onto these feelings and give them more power, assuming they are the objective truth or our unchangeable destiny?
When you are gripped in this type of struggle, it can seem impossible to get control of yourself. Even the advice people give you makes you feel worse, because you know what they’re saying is true, but you don’t believe you can really get from who you are now (while depressed or under great stress) to the who they are telling you to become.
I’m here to tell you, that’s bullshit.
The reason is because… you are already that person.
We have an illusion that we all operate under, that after we start juicing, lifting weights, approaching girls, etc etc, that we will become a new man. And maybe taking a snapshot from the outside, it looks that way. It certainly appears that way when we see before and after photos, or stories of self improvement.
The truth is, you already are who you are. Your life is your life. And that is enough. I don’t mean enough in the sense that you shouldn’t have goals for improvement. I mean it in the sense that wherever you are, your life is only unfolding from this exact moment, the who who you are right NOW.
A lot of our stress and suffering comes from forgetting that we can only put one foot in front of the other. We can only take the next step from exactly where we are. We can’t jump to the end point.
Here is the key:
Rather than trying to make yourself into something BIGGER in order to overcome your problems, you need to realize that your problems are smaller than you think. They are smaller than you. You are exactly the “size” that you’re supposed to be, metaphysically speaking. You don’t have to become a Super-Man in order to be happy and overcome your difficulties in life. You just have to be you, and continue embodying yourself.
When we resist our problems, fight them, fear them, and feel that they are bigger than we are, our suffering will only continue to grow. But by remembering that you don’t need to be any more than you are– that life will only unfold from the present moment and wherever you find yourself right now– you can find much more compassion for yourself.
And from there, you will find energy, rather than resistance, as you begin to take positive steps and actions to continue living your life.
Forward is the only way you can go.