My ex is getting married today. My first girlfriend, I used to call her “Longterm” on my blog. I should probably care more, but I don’t. We were together five years, and we haven’t talked in six.
I’m staying home and relaxing. Watching the family dog while everyone is upstate. Might order in some fried chicken from the local joint in my hometown. Maybe play some guitar, or work on a script. Maybe jerk off and think about the night we lost our virginity together, or that time we did anal, and how some other guy is marrying her now. Ha. I got laid last night though, probably won’t need to.
She sells beauty products, apparently. We’re not Facebook friends anymore, but I can still see some of her profile. Looks like she got deep into some kind of non-toxic, chemical-free pyramid scheme resulting in a neverending stream of sales pitches on her social media. She even used her wedding as an excuse to publicize a special discount offer.
I think I dodged a bullet with this one.
Sweet girl, though.
I do have her to thank for my blogging career, really. I still remember the day she told me she was back hooking up with her douchebag ex-boyfriend and how I was a “beta male.” She read that term in a novel. Coincidence.
But moreso it was the beginning of my coming-of-age. My process of growing up, to whatever extent you could say I’ve done that. It was our breakup that cast me out into the wilderness, alone in Los Angeles, and forced me to blaze a new path for myself.
It’s funny looking back at how devastated I was over her. I grew past that, found a new footing in life, laughed at my former naivety, and then did the whole thing over again.
But looking back at her helps me to see my last breakup more clearly. What upsets us most is losing the object of our happiness. It’s a mental construct, a projection of what they made us feel and who we were able to feel we were around them. We can care about the people, miss them, but the feelings are where we really touch the void. If we could bottle those exact feelings– that specific emotional symphony– we might move on overnight. But maybe we’d also miss out on some indelible human experience. Or some bullshit like that.
It’s complicated. If you never decide to let go of someone, you can keep your life on pause forever. Looking back at how I really got over that first girlfriend, it all stemmed from my immersion in new areas of personal growth that made me feel “powerful”– in the sense of becoming more fully actualized in the world, more in control of my destiny. In other words, I resolved to move forward, and also look forward rather than back. And I gave myself plenty to look forward to.
Putting a breakup behind you, then, consist of 2 elements:
2) Forward Drive
Working in tandem, these two factors can keep the demons at bay, and return you to the realm of the functional. And from there, you can unlock the potential of being truly exceptional again.
It can be a non-linear process. Mine is a messy serpentine of carnival ups and downs. Extremes of high and low. Sometimes I want to get off the ride. But somewhere deep down I know it’s all beautiful, in some divine, fucked up way. Life is so much simpler than we allow it to be. We have to be careful not to lose our heads too far up our own asses. Speaking mostly for myself, here.
To borrow some terminology from statistics (which I believe I’ve borrowed before), the graph of my life is a random walk with an upward trend. The key is to maintain the calmness, patience, and trust (you can call it faith) that everything doesn’t have to happen today, this instant, but that your life is unfolding gradually, at its own pace, and great things lie in your future. Just beyond the horizon.